A MESSAGE TO MANY GARFIELD FANS ALIKE: THIS WEBSITE'S PURPOSE WILL BE NOTHING SHORT OF EXCITING NEWS, FACTS, AND TIDBITS RELATING TO OUR FAVORITE ORANGE FELINE
Februrary 6th, 2021's Fun Fact: Since Garfield's conception in 1978, he has gone through many redesigns, ultimately leading to the orange kitty we know today! This is similar to how after killing my ex-wife, I went through many cosmetic surgeries to change my identity, making me unrecognizable to her family and the witnesses.
Februrary 7th, 2021's Fun Fact: In the hit 2009 horror/comedy flick, Zombieland, Bill Murray stated that he regrets voice-acting for Garfield. I know that my biggest regret is writing those incriminating tweets back in 2016 directed at United States Senitor, Ted Cruz!
Februrary 9th, 2021's Tidbit:After being a reliable source of GarfieldTM information for what now feels like decades, I hereby declare myself Lord Chancellor of Garf, translator from the heavens above. With that out of the way, back to your regularly scheduled garfield media.
As said by the great orange one on September 18, 1978, "I hate Mondays". Thou shall not rejoice nor celebrate on said day of grim and dark tidings, for Jim Davis the father and garfield the son demand it. Fear not feeble ones, for those in the heavens have their reasonings. Without damned and wicked things in our world, such as Mondays and Jennifer Aniston, we would not have the divine gifts, such as lasagna and good ol' N-methyl-1-phenylpropan-2-amine to create balance among the evil.
Februrary 10th, 2021's Tidbit: It appears to me that none of you plebeians truly understand the utter magnificence of the great orange one. Therefore, it seems that I need to educate you. I shall begin with one of my favorites: "Ask not what the great orange one can do for you, ask what you can do for the great orange one." -probably JFK
Februrary 19th, 2021's News: I recognize that it has been a while. But there is something I must tell you all. Something very important to not just by disciples, but the entire world. On February 11th, as I was writing that day's fun fact, I heard a loud crash which emanated from my basement. My heart stopped, leaving me startled. Though startled, I felt compelled to investigate the source of the noise. As I made my way down the stairs, I began to perspire. It was getting... hotter. This made my will to persevere even stronger. I pushed my way down the steps and turned the corner to reveal something I could never imagine. A molotov cocktail had been thrown through my window, landing on my collection of authentic Garfield knickknacks, englufing not only them, but my house in flames. The sight of this left me stopped in my tracks. I was in disbelief. Aftere a moment, the fog that enveloped my mind had cleared. In that moment, I knew that I had to leave my house. My Garfield knickknacks were temporary, but the Garfield wisdom held within the space in my mind was forver. I began to turn around, only to be stopped by a large brute of a man. He locked his arm around my torso, rendering me immoble. Following that, he covered the lower half of my face with a cloth, covered with what I can only believe to be chloroform. My thoughts began to fade, but not soon enough to hear him say, "The target had been captured, Mr. Cruz" before finally blacking out. In what feels like an instant, I awoke. My surroundings had changed. Suddenly, I was left tied in what could only be described as a dungeon. Concrete walls, lit with what I believe to be heat lamps, stained in can only a mixture of blood, excrement, and other unknown fluids. A floor scattered with cockroaches, rats, and other vermin. Standing before me was a man of equal height, dressed in a robe, his face desguised with a hood. While attempting to make out this man's face, he removed his hood, revealing his identity and in turn proving my suspitions. The man was none other than US Senator, Ted Cruz. He turned his malicious gaze towards me, making direct eye contact. "I've been waiting for this very moment for what feels like decades. You knew far too much." It was then that he began to do what I can only describe as shake. His skin began to sag and fall off revealing his reptilian form. I knew it, this confirmed my years of studies and theories. "Now that my ssskin sssuit hasss been shed, I am equipped to off you." he said. After that, he pulled out a large, shimmering dagger. Pressing it against my neck. "This is what happens to those who figure out the truth." He bagan to slowly press the knife deeper into my neck. Knowing my death was imminent, I began to recite my garfield prayers. Prayers I have been saying since I began practicing. Then, just as the knife pierced my skin, "TZZT TZZT." My prayers had been answered: The heat lamps went out. It was then a familiar voice echoed off the concrete walls. "Sir, power outtages have been reported throughout the state! It appears that we are experiencing this as well." said the man. Lizard Ted turned to the man and said, "Mussst get sssomewhere warmer... Cancun will do..." He dropped the dagger and while walking out said, "I'll be back..." As time passed. I heard Ted and his henchman scurry through the house, most likley gathering things to bring to the warmer climate, more suitable for Ted's cold blood. When the scurrying had stopped, I knew it was my time. I grabbed the knife and cut my restraints. I busted through a nearby window and booked it as far as I could from his house. That leads me to the present. I am currently sitting in a McDonald's and writing this via their wifi and an old man's smart phone I stole. According to a newspaper I found, he has returned to his regular stomping grounds, the US. I am almost positive that he, his men, or both are after me. Let this serve as a warning. If you see this man, run. Do not even utter his name, or you may be his next target.
